Am I Going Crazy? No, You're Probably Having a Kundalini Awakening
If you have had a kundalini awakening and you feel like you are going crazy, I want to tell you that you are not.
I know how it feels, because I went through it myself eleven years ago. And I know that when it is happening, the fear that something is seriously wrong with you can be as intense as the symptoms themselves. So let me walk you through what is actually going on.
What it feels like
Maybe your body moves on its own when you are meditating or just sitting quietly. Small movements, or larger ones, that you did not choose.
Maybe you cannot work, cannot rest, cannot really switch off. Maybe your mind is extremely active. Maybe energy is coursing through your body, pulsing, pressing up against certain areas.
Maybe you feel knots of energy in specific places, or a sense of openness, or new sensitivities coming online.
Maybe you have noticed that you pick up far more than usual. More of the energy in a room. More of what is going on with the people you talk to. More information than you can comfortably process in an ordinary conversation.
And somewhere in all of this, maybe you have started to wonder whether something is really wrong with you. Whether you should see a doctor. Whether you are losing your mind.
You are probably not losing your mind. This is what a kundalini awakening is.
It is a nervous system awakening
The clearest way I can describe kundalini is that it is a nervous system awakening. The system opens up, and suddenly you sense far more than you used to. More in your environment, more in other people, and crucially, more of yourself.
That last part is important, because it explains something that confuses a lot of people. When kundalini activates, a lot of difficult material can surface. Fear that seems to come from nowhere. Anger. Old emotions about childhood, about how you felt, about things you thought you had dealt with. All this suppressed material gets stirred up and brought into the light.
It can feel like you are suddenly suffering far more than you used to. But here is the thing. You are not suffering more. You have become aware of suffering that was always there, running underneath, suppressed. Awakening does not create it. It reveals it.
My own experience
For me it started after an initiation at a retreat. I was sitting in a meeting with about ten people when I noticed energy moving in my belly, bumping up against my navel area. I felt the urge to move my hips. My first reaction was confusion, so I went to the toilet, sat down, and meditated, thinking: what is this? Am I going crazy?
I googled something like "energy in the body" and eventually found the term kundalini symptoms. What I had not realized was that I had already been opening up for a while before that moment. I had been sensing more of other people's energy. I had been noticing my own limiting beliefs, my thoughts, my feelings about my past, more vividly than ever. The energy in the meeting was not the beginning. It was the point where it became undeniable.
The one thing it actually needs from you
Here is the part that most people get wrong, and that I wish someone had told me clearly at the start.
Some teachers will tell you that you need to work on it. To process it, manage it, push it through with techniques. In my experience, this is not the way.
What you have is beautiful, and it is intelligent. It knows how to work with you. The only thing it really needs is your permission. Your allowance. The space for it to move through your body and through the blockages it encounters.
The more you, as the ego or the person, try to work on it, the more obstruction you create. It is like trying to manually control a process that already knows what it is doing. Your job is not to drive. Your job is to give it room.
So let it work on you, rather than you working on it. You can sit still and let it do what it does. It will move through, often chakra by chakra, up the spine. Some people have more resistance, so it takes longer. Some have less, so it moves faster. But it is moving in a direction. It wants to free you of energetic blockages. It is a natural, intelligent process.
But stabilize while it happens
Letting it work on you does not mean neglecting yourself. While this is unfolding, you need to take good care that you stay stabilized enough to function. To keep working if you can, to stay present with your family and partner, to live your life.
The single most important thing for this is grounding. Standing barefoot on the bare earth. Sitting or lying on the ground. Showers. Movement. Intuitive eating. Practices that tell your nervous system, through direct physical sensation rather than through thinking, that you are safe.
One important note
If your symptoms are very intense, or if this continues for a long time, please also seek help from a doctor, psychologist, or psychiatrist. Not everything that feels like awakening is awakening, and there is no shame in getting proper support. Be careful with yourself, and ask for help when you need it.
But if this is a kundalini awakening, I want you to hear this clearly. You are not going crazy. You are not broken. You are opening. Give it space, take time to rest and ground, and let it do its work.
Welcome to the ride of your life. With the right care, you will be fine.
If you are going through this and want support, the free guide on stabilizing awakening is at: https://from-doing-to-being.plugandpay.com/checkout/free-guide-stabilizing-awakening.
And if you want to talk it through, you can book a free call with me here: https://calendly.com/keesblok/gratis-kennismaking?month=2021-03