Why Your Limiting Beliefs Won't Go Away (And How to Find the Core One)

If you have worked on a limiting belief, understood it, maybe even written it down and challenged it, and it keeps coming back, there is usually a simple reason. A big belief has two sides, and most belief work only touches one of them.

The two sides of a belief

Take a common one: I need to be productive.

On one side is importance. That is the side that pushes you. I must be productive. I need to work. I need to earn money. You could call it push resistance.

On the other side is avoidance, or pull resistance. What are you avoiding by needing to be productive? The feeling of failure. Desperation. Being poor. Pain. Being fired.

The same belief can produce opposite behaviour. It can make you overwork, or it can make you avoid work altogether. And as long as you only work on the pushing side, the belief stays exactly where it is, because the avoidance side is still holding it up.

Start from your behaviour

The easiest way in is through what you actually do. Say you overwork, or you procrastinate. Ask yourself why.

The key is not to answer with your rational mind. "Because I like YouTube videos" is a rational answer. Let the answer come to you instead, the way you would in self-inquiry, and feel what it is.

You might land on: I need to be productive. That can feel like the end of the line. Keep asking why a few more times anyway. With beliefs that have been running for a long time, there are usually several layers below.

Ask what the belief lets you avoid

Then ask the second question: what am I avoiding with this belief? If I were really productive, what would I never have to feel?

Joe Hudson calls this the golden algorithm: the thing you are avoiding keeps coming back into your life. Those feelings want to be felt.

What I do is set aside some time and say it out loud, for example to failure: I really want to feel you. I love to feel you. You're welcome here. I want to feel you in my body, everywhere. Then I focus on past experiences of failing and let myself feel them fully.

One core belief holds the whole stack

On the importance side there are usually fewer feelings and more thoughts and rationalisations. Here I keep asking why until I reach the core.

Because underneath all the different beliefs there is usually one core belief, and if that one lets go, everything stacked above it goes with it. You don't have to clear every belief one by one.

Here is how a chain can look. I need to be productive. Why? Because I need to make money. Why? Because I want to be rich. Why? Because I want status and attention. Why? Because I didn't get the attention I wanted when I was a small kid.

Underneath most cravings there is a lack, something missing that wants to be seen and felt. In my experience the core is often something close to: I'm not good enough / not worthy.

Sometimes the two sides even work together. You manifest the very thing you are avoiding, so you can finally let it go, and meanwhile the pressure to perform keeps rising. It looks like a problem. It is often the core wound asking to be seen.

What a belief is made of

Beliefs have three components, and each needs a different approach.

Thought. This part can be deconstructed. Byron Katie's first question is simply: is it true? Can you really know for sure that you need to be productive? Not while you're sleeping for example. David Beyer suggests finding convincing evidence for the opposite: the break at work, the drinks with colleagues, all the moments you are clearly allowed not to be productive.

Emotion. A feeling in the body with a mental charge, usually attached to a thought.

Energy. A sensation or tension in the body that isn't necessarily tied to any thought.

Emotion and energy can't be argued away. They want to be seen, felt and held. The strongest tool you have there is your attention: don't react to it, embrace it, feel it, invite it in.

FAQ

Why do limiting beliefs keep coming back?
Usually because only the pushing side has been worked on, while the side you are avoiding keeps the belief in place.

What is a core belief?
The belief underneath the others. When it releases, the beliefs built on top of it tend to release too.

Can I change a limiting belief just by thinking differently?
The thought part, yes. The emotional and energetic part needs to be felt, not reasoned with.

If you want to look at your own beliefs together, you can book a free conversation with me: fromdoingtobeing.org/call