I Knew My Potential. My Awakening Wouldn't Let Me Reach It Yet.

The part of spiritual awakening nobody talks about honestly

I had a to-do list. Ambitions. A business I wanted to build.

I knew what I was capable of. I could feel it clearly, the ideas, the drive, the love for building something meaningful. I have always loved business. The strategy, the creation, the connection with people. All of it.

And every single day, I sat down to work and couldn't do it.

Not because I was lazy. Not because I didn't care. But because something inside me demanded attention first. A feeling that needed to be sat with. An energy, a thought, a theme, something that rose up and said: not yet. Me first.

So I sat with it. For hours. Every day.

What this actually looked like

It was meditation. Not quite and still but going through an endless waiting line of intense feelings, energies and thoughts. This was sitting on my couch, while my to-do list waited and my bank account slowly emptied.

Very little income. Very little clients. Mostly dependent on savings and other people to support me during this period.

And the whole time I knew what I was capable of. I love business. I love all parts of it. But I couldn't work on it consistently. Not 9 to 5. Not even 9 to 3. Just me, sitting with myself, over and over and over.

This was the hardest part of my awakening.

Not the kundalini energy. Not the kriyas on the floor. Not the exhaustion or the supermarket that was too far to walk to. The hardest part was the gap between knowing your potential and being completely unable to bridge it. That gap, when you can feel how much you have to offer and you're watching it sit unused that is a particular kind of suffering that almost nobody talks about.

Why this happens

When awakening intensifies, the process has its own agenda. It moves at the speed it needs to move, and it asks for what it needs regardless of what you think you can afford to give it.

For many people especially those with entrepreneurial drive, ambition, or a strong sense of purpose, this creates an unbearable tension. You can see where you want to go. You can feel your capacity. And you are being held in place by something invisible that demands your full attention.

What actually got me out

It wasn't discipline. It wasn't time management. It wasn't ignoring the process or pushing through it.

It was three things.

Surrender. Not giving up but releasing the grip of trying to control when and how the process happened. Trusting that if I gave it what it needed, it would give me back what I needed in return. And it did, over time.

Grounding. This kept coming up for me. Every time I added more grounding: physical movement, feet on the earth, showers, grounding meditation, eating well, sleeping properly, the intensity dropped and I had more capacity for everything else, including work.

Not being obsessed with the process itself. This sounds contradictory but it was crucial. At my worst, I was spending hours every day in the process not because it needed that much time but because my attention was locked onto it. Learning to give it real dedicated space — 30 minutes, genuinely present — and then consciously redirect my attention elsewhere was the shift that made functioning possible again.

Slowly, over time, it started to dissolve. The process stabilized. The grip loosened.

If you're in this place right now

Know that your potential isn't going anywhere.

The fact that you can feel it, that you know what you're capable of is not cruelty. It's information. It's your system showing you where you're headed, even if you can't get there yet.

This process, as painful as it is, is the biggest project of your life. The business, the work, the ambitions they're beautiful. They'll still be there. But this project of realization, of coming home to what you actually are, that's the one that makes everything else possible.

There will be another day for you after this. I am living proof of that.

If you want support stabilizing your process, getting your energy back, finding your capacity again, learning to work with what's happening instead of against it:

👉 fromdoingtobeing.org/stabilizingawakening

And if you want to talk directly, I offer free calls. Not to sell you something. Just because I know exactly how lost this place feels and I know the way through.

Much love,

Kees